It’s now been a few weeks since I finished my first weekend of training. I’ve watched the videos that have been assigned to date and passed the evaluations on each of them. 

I am trying to take in everything I have learned because coaching is my new career and I don’t want to lose momentum.

Prior to starting the course, I had already started down my path towards growth and fulfillment.  I recognized that I had been stuck in the same place for so long.

And lost.

For so many reasons.

One of my top values is family.  As a mother, it is an important value for me to have.  But one thing I’ve learned over the last few years is that being a mom does not mean that you cannot exist outside of your kids or family. 

I think this bears repeating.

BEING A MOTHER DOES NOT MEAN YOU CANNOT EXIST OUTSIDE OF YOUR KIDS OR FAMILY.

For too long my whole life revolved around my girls and, to a lesser, but equally important, extent, my husband. Phrases like, I only have them for 18 yrs…or…They need me and it’s my job as their mother to put them first…were only a few phrases that I repeatedly told myself. 

Plus, as a lawyer, even though I work a flexible schedule, was working a lot and was away from my girls.  Mom guilt constantly reared its ugly head. I couldn’t justify taking more time away from them to take care of me.

I’m sure this sounds familiar to so many women out there, particularly those who work outside of the home and constantly feel a terrible pull between working and being home.

We all think,  “How can I take care of myself when this little one needs me?” Or “I’m already gone all day, I can’t be away from my child for another 30 minutes!”

But guess what? We can. And we need to.

I say this because it took me almost 17 years to realize that my needs didn’t need to go unattended.  

Four years ago, my girls started taking classes at a local gym. Their classes lasted an hour so I figured that I might as well join the gym and move my rear instead of sitting on it while they moved. I mean, I enjoy watching them but was that the best use of my time? Heck no!  From there, I started working out with a trainer once a week. At times, it was twice a week. 

But then the girls stopped taking classes so I stopped getting to the gym.  I am, of course, their unpaid uber driver so they needed me. I still managed to fit in time with my trainer (mostly because it was scheduled AND already paid for), around all of their activities!  

Over time, between my schedule and my trainer’s as well as the increasing cost, I dropped down to 30 minutes twice a week. It was something but not nearly enough.  The gym had become a rare moment of “me” time.  

 

This past June, a Orangetheory Fitness opened up really close to my house. I decided to give it a try because I could attend class on my schedule and could get both a great cardio and strength training workout in an hour.

I needed it. Both mentally and physically.  I learned that when I don’t move I just don’t feel good.

I also learned that I am a better mother when I take time away from my job, away from my husband and away from my kids, to do something just for me, to clear my head.

It is not selfish to take time for yourself.  And while there are some people who may judge or criticize me for doing so, I am learning to ignore the comments.  Parenting is hard. Being a working mother (or father) is hard. Most of us need a bit of time to regroup.

Do you grab a glass of wine or a cocktail at the end of the night?  Do you write in your journal? Do you read a romance novel? Maybe slip away for a manicure and pedicure WITHOUT your daughter (or son) in tow?  A massage?

These are all things that help us feel better and take a little time for ourselves.

I have also come to realize that taking the time for a little self-care is not only good for me.  It is good for my daughters. I want them to see that it is important for them to take care of themselves.  I want them to see that they need to learn to prioritize themselves in order to be the best mother, wife, lawyer, doctor, friend, blogger, salesperson, or whatever it is they choose, that they can be.

Anyone who has ever been on an airplane has seen the flight attendants instruct parents to put on their masks before attending to their children.  Think about it. If you can’t breathe, how can you help your children?  

The answer is easy.  You can’t.  

While this analogy isn’t anything new, it helps to illustrate the importance of putting yourself first.

I mean, sure, you may be able to survive for a few minutes, a few days, or even a few years.  But at some point, you will not be able to. At some point, the time will come when you hit a wall.  

When you do hit the wall, it will likely be that you slam into it.  Hard. 

It may not happen for ten years or maybe fifteen.  But when it does, your head will hurt, your body will ache and you will fight to keep your eyes open.  You will likely cry. You will likely scream.

You will undoubtedly ask yourself:  What about me? What happened to my existence?  When do I get to have a life? What happened to my dreams?

I’m here to tell you that you matter.  That your dreams matter. That you do NOT have to give them up just because you became a mom or a wife or a partner.

Yes, for a long time you will be known as your children’s mother.  Heck, I will probably ALWAYS be known as Haylie, Rylee, and Callie’s mom by someone.  And that ‘s okay. But I am also Regan La Testa, my own person. 

Unfortunately, it just took me a little longer to remember that.