Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  

We’ve all heard that so many times before.  But I’d like to think that today really is exactly that for me.  I mean, sure, in reality, today is the first day of the rest of each of our lives.  For me, though, is the day that I began my training to BE A COACH.

I am so excited.  

Let me step back and explain how I ended up where I am right now, sitting in a hotel room in Virginia, listening to country music and typing away.

I am a woman, a mom, a wife, an attorney, in her mid-forties.  I’ve been practicing law for 20 years now. Candidly, while I enjoy what I have been doing, I think that for a long time I felt that something was missing.  Can you imagine spending almost half of your life working at something but feeling incomplete in some way? Exactly! It’s a major energy drain.

So WHY have I stayed doing something for so long when I felt like I needed more, including feeling like I was making a difference?  Well, I can give you many answers — all of which are true. (1) I’d worked so hard through high school, college, and law school to get where I was – how could I give it up? (2) Money – I had, one, then two and, ultimately, three daughters to support (along with my husband) – how could I give up a good salary for some vague reason? Wasn’t that selfish?  (3) I had flexibility – with 3 children how could I give up a job that afforded me the ability to volunteer at school, to be there for my girls after school, when they were sick and so on…while making a good salary? I mean, this reason alone was enough to not think about anything else.

Of course, each of these reasons make perfect sense as to why I couldn’t leave.  I had a friend who, when hearing me complain, particularly when the kids were younger, would say “why don’t you just quit?”

Well, for the reasons I just mentioned…I couldn’t just quit.  And the truth is, I didn’t really want to.

For some women, it may be easy to walk away from their career. If they don’t need to work financially, it is very easy to do, especially when you have young children. That is great if you can afford to stop AND don’t want to work.  But I didn’t and don’t fit into either of those categories.  

And yes, while those three reasons may have been true, valid reasons for not leaving, despite the way I felt, I’ve come to realize that they were not the only reasons. And perhaps they were just my excuses masking another, bigger reason.

FEAR.

My fear of failure.  My fear that I had no idea what I wanted to do.  My fear that I would be letting my family (mostly my parents) down.  My fear that we couldn’t afford to allow me to do something, anything, different.  My fears…

So now, here I am fighting my fears, as well as my excuses, as I start down a new path. A path of personal growth.  A path toward happiness and fulfillment. A path toward authenticity. 

So now here I am fighting my fears, as well as my excuses, as I start down a new path. A path of personal growth.  A path toward happiness and fulfillment. A path toward authenticity.

It has taken me 17 years to get to the point where I am ready to face my fears, move forward, and make my needs and happiness a priority. 

I know I am not the only woman in this situation. So hopefully my journey can help someone else. 

Once I finally decided to face my fears and make my needs a priority,  I needed to figure out WHAT exactly it was that I felt I was missing and what I wanted to do. I mean, my whole adult professional life I had been a lawyer. So now what?  As my job was in the process of winding down for reasons beyond my control, I recognized that I needed to figure something out. I needed to move forward. I needed to progress.

But how?  How could I figure out what my next step should be?

I met with and/or talked to two different legal headhunters.  Both women basically told me how lucky I was to have had the job flexibility to be able to actively raise my children for all the years I did, while still working.  All things I knew.

BUT they couldn’t help me.  My failure to have my own clients and my tiny little niche didn’t make me marketable.  

Great. 

I left these meetings with a bit of advice on my job search. One piece of advice was to reach out to a company whose purpose was to help people with their job searches and career transitions.  I was excited to make that call and set up an appointment to talk to the company’s representative. Excited, that is, until I was about three quarters of the way through the call. My representative was nice enough – although it was pretty clear early on that she pinpointed my insecurities and fears. She then used them to “motivate” me to join this program. 

By the time I finished the call, I was in tears! The cost of the program – which provided the company’s guidance in the job search for only 90 days – was $10,000! 

Um, ok….I don’t know about you but…I don’t have $10,000 lying around to potentially throw away on something that may or may not help me in 90 days. Of course, at this point I was told that my concern was part of my problem and that I was looking at it the wrong way! It was an investment in myself! And wasn’t I worth $10,000? And why was I assuming I was going to fail?

Ok. She may have had me on the assumption part but…really? 

By the end of the call, she dropped the cost down to $6,000 if I committed immediately.  And paid in one payment, etc. (Side note: how could the program cost be reduced so substantially!!!) In tears (as I was not in a great place at that time), I asked her where I was going to get that amount of money?! Do you know what she said? She told me to borrow it from my parents, or borrow it from my retirement account, among other equally insane and irresponsible ideas. In fact, when I stated that I needed to talk to my husband before committing (something I think is pretty reasonable for a large financial decision), she had the nerve to ask me why I couldn’t make the commitment on my own? (Finances aside, I could and would have done so if I felt it was the right choice!).

I don’t know about you…but borrowing from my retirement account or making a financial decision without discussing such a decision with my spouse is not how it works in my house! 

Needless to say, I hung up that call crying and feeling even more helpless and hopeless than I had before it.  It took a couple of hours talking to my husband and others to realize that that was exactly her goal: To exploit my weaknesses and fears to get me to spend money I shouldn’t on something that has a finite term and is not a guarantee.

(That’s not to imply that the company is not a valid business which appears to have substantial success.  It was the tactics – and cost – with which I had an issue.)

That phone call left me back at square one.  Wait! What’s less than square one. I mean, after the bullying (and I don’t use that word lightly) my confidence and self-esteem were in the toilet.  How could it not be? 

I had to regroup. I had to figure out my next step. 

At some point, along the way, I figured out what it was I felt like I was missing:  I wasn’t helping anyone. I wasn’t making a difference.

An idea passed through my mind:  A life coach? The idea intrigued me because I like helping people and loved  the idea of helping people meet and exceed their goals. I did some research on it.  But those ugly voices in my head said… “Nah. You can’t do that. Why would anyone take you seriously?” Those were the nicer voices. You can imagine the negative thoughts I had!

But I needed to do something, right? But what? I still had no idea.

It was suggested that I reach out to a career coach.   After receiving a few recommendations, I contacted three different career coaches.  Each sounded like they could be helpful, but I thought I would connect better with one of them. I scheduled an appointment and went to meet her. I liked that she was a working mom like me. That maybe she could understand the pull I felt in trying to get everything done.

During our appointments,  we talked. She asked me what I was interested in doing, we discussed my history.  I was given homework which included filling out personality tests, interest and skills assessments,  among other assessments.  

When we regrouped…one of the careers that appeared to be a good fit…was…

(You guessed it)

…coaching!  

So back to my research I went.

And that is how I ended up…sitting in a hotel room in Virginia,  having finished Day 1 of my first in-person module for my course on life coaching. And guess what? I am excited!

Come along with me as I explore my journey into coaching and all the events that brought me to the crossroads to get here! Hopefully, I’ll learn to quiet my inner critic along the way.

And who knows?  Maybe I will be able to mesh the two worlds and pursue both careers!